-- Chapter 3
- Childish pranks and interesting experiments.

There was a loud crash. It had been an interesting journey for John. His feet had lost their confidence and decided to fold inwards like a pieces of long spaghetti cooked for too long. To put it another way Mr. Grey fainted. On his way down his whole life flashed before his eyes but in his state of dizziness he ignored it and tried to land as softly as possible. His life had however been a very curious one, in college, as it turns out, he was hit on by every girl in class (both hot and the not-so-hot) because of his 'mysterious' and deep voice. In the following years, however, the cancer causing this deep and arousing voice disappeared from his throat and reappeared in his left testicle, where it waits to this day undiscovered, and in effect his popularity faded shortly after. Luckily he had lost his virginity at a big party with all of his non-existent friends to the hottest girl in his class. This was of course denied by the girl, her girlfriends and the girl's boyfriend with many of his jockey friends backing him up. The latter group decided to show that they were right by beating up young John Grey and causing him general misfortune. In an ironic twist of destiny they had all died in very unfortunate and unlikely accidents during the past few months: like being crushed to death by two and a half tons of pillows and a high-velocity chicken.

John, had however managed to hit the floor in the second-to-first preferred way, the first being not hitting the floor at all - softly. There he stayed for an hour or two. Wilfred finished his routine of running 200 rotations on the wheel and was just drinking some water when groans became emerging from John's mouth. One of them sounded something like "Um ff" the others were more like "Grrrr" and "Uuugh". He had landed softly but his head still hurt. Either from the shock of a talking gerbil or the landing, it still forced him to think of finding some aspirins. He stumbled from left to right and even more right to the bathroom door where he found the medicine cabin.

For some pain is exactly that, pain. Nerves get aroused in a not-so-pleasant manner and the brains interpret this as a nasty feeling. John often thought about the possibility of the human brain being a separate entity from the body and thus a rival life-form, meant only to cause the latter pain and anguish. Aspirin was, to some extent, like a Trojan horse. It brought the body's soldiers into the brain and burned it to the ground, making any pains and aches invalid and void. This is exactly how the inventor of the aspirin thought of it as. Germans are funny that way, they look at the world in a very story like way, the way it is supposed to be looked at. This view has long since disappeared because of capitalism and globalisation but some rare individuals still get insight into this magical world where bikes actually push the feet of the driver and coke IS in fact poison in a can not a "spruced up caffeine drink".

John's brain was burnt down, pillaged. All the women had been violated and all the men killed without mercy. For John, the world was looking up. Weird, but up none the less. After taking the aspirin he had sat down on the floor, turned on the water and left himself alone with his thoughts. In his mind images of the staring competition, which he had won by default, flashed. The gerbil in all his glory running around on his little wheel. The word 'scrumptious' for no apparent reason. A Latin scholar with a long beard and the answer to life. His mind was flying about trying to make heads and / or tails of the situation. His gerbil had addressed him in a very clear British accent and everything he thought was right had become wrong.

Peeking out from between the bathroom door he spotted his furry companion. Drinking water and looking back at him. John considered the possibility that he had finally lost it. His mind that is. Completely gone and out of the window. In his mind an image of a peanut dancing and singing of happy days formed. He didn't accept this because peanuts can't sing very well. Slowly rising, he stumbled over to the cage. Prepared, he grabbed a seat and used it most masterfully.

John: "Wilfred?"
Wilfred: "Yes?"

A long silence followed.

Wilfred: "I'm going to go out on a hunch here and guess that you're confused."
John stared blankly and oh-so slowly nodded.
Wilfred: "Let's make this short, I have a reunion to get to.
Do you remember that cook of a scientist that you won me off?"
John's head didn't move. It didn't even turn a whiter shade of white than it was already. It didn't respond.
It wouldn't have responded even if hit with a large hammer, which was an action Wilfred had considered making at one point in the past but had to fore long it because he was out of nibblets to chew on.
Wilfred: "I'm going to say Yes for you so I can continue. That twit had a crazy bat of a father who stuck me in a microwave one too many times, often enough just for fun, and basically caused my brain to grow bit by bit. Now, I know this may seem like cliché but it did in fact make me more intelligent. I would have confronted him at one point but I would have, without a doubt, been submitted to many stupid, pointless and possibly painful experiments."

John wasn't even listening any more. His brain was on a nice vacation with a very cute and beautiful bikini super-model of an astrophysicist who was also a billionaire and his body hadn't managed the get over the shock of a talking gerbil. The text somehow reached the brain but the bikini was much more thrilling at that specific point in the time line of John's life.

Like a giraffe, who was suddenly given control of a plane, John Grey was losing control of a situation, he was never in control of.